Regram from the amazing @ameliakyoga with love “”Love is the cure, for your pain will keep giving birth to more pain unless your eyes constantly exhale love as effortlessly as your body yields its scent.” -Rumi
Yesterday I was very proud of myself. I spent the whole afternoon surrounded by babies, kids and moms and felt fine, even happy. I was on a mission; there was no time to stop and think. Today was a different story. A fellow yoga teacher brought her baby boy to the studio after a class I taught. Cutest kid ever. I cooed over him for a bit and admire how quickly he’s growing.
Then all of a sudden it felt like I was punched in the stomach. I had to hide in the bathroom and cry for 20 minutes. It’s a funny thing grief, it’s either ON or OFF. It doesn’t feel like there’s much of an in-between.
Seeing other babies is hard because I’m either jealous, angry, sad, or all of the above. Overwhelming jealous if the mom is happy and cherishing every moment with her babe. Raging angry if the mom is unhappy and taking it all for granted. And then I’m sad either way because I don’t really fit in anywhere - not with my friends who are moms, nor with those who aren’t. I’m just in a space in between, a “waiting room”. I can’t go back but don’t know how I’ll go forward. Everyone knows I had a baby but I don’t get to do all the mom things like talk about milestones and for most part everyone acts like he never existed. It’s hard to find a space admist those emotions for love. But love is the only cure, the only solution to any of our pain, I know. I just wish it wasn’t so damn hard.” via @PhotoRepost_app